Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Nice Girls Finish Last

I'm not quite used to being told I'm too nice. In my personal life that has never been a common or accurate description of me. Don't get me wrong, I am a nice person [I think, some might disagree], but TOO nice, no that's not me. Or so I thought.

Apparently when it comes to my career I am too nice. I get told that on a daily basis by my boss. And its not good! I don't want to come across as a pushover or weak, but at the same time I don't want to be rude or nasty. I want to be strong, assertive, out spoken, but still nice, just not TOO nice! How can I do that?! How can I take the bull by the horns, yet be gentle enough that it doesn't charge?!

I feel like this is becoming a barrier, and something is telling me it's the reason (while I have taken on more responsibility) I haven't quite moved into the area I want to. It's easier for me to be, at times, bitchy in my personal life. I'm the boss of me! And no one pays me to regulate my life. It's a lot harder to be not so nice when someone else is signing your check and distributing tasks and responsibilities. When someone else's company and reputation is on the line.

Its hard enough for a woman in politics, let a lone a black woman in politics, not only that but a shy, NICE black woman, nah, that's not good. No woman in my field that I admire would ever be described as TOO nice, soft spoken, or  timid. Heck no! Assertive, outspoken, galvanizing, that's what they are and were, and that's what I need to be. I need to learn how to incorporate my fiesty persona from my personal life to my career. I need to SOON, my five year plan is depending on it!

Too timid, and too soft spoken [apparently]! So many people believe in me, see things in me I wish I could see in myself. They don't doubt my abilities, yet I doubt myself at every given opportunity. I'm trying to overcome that, and it's a lot harder than I thought. See!! I'm even doubting not doubting myself...UGH!!!! I've attempted to make a list of my pros and cons (career wise), write down all the good people see and say, and line them up with all my doubts and insecurities, and compare it with all I've accomplished thus far (which admittedly is a lot). Needless to say I've never quite gotten around to it. I probably should...soon.

No more Ms. Nice Girl...[I'm going to start mean muggin' in corporate America, gorilla style baybee]


Header Image by Colorpiano Illustration