Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Buying the Cow

***DISCLAIMER: this is no where near finished or completed to my liking, it a stream of consciousness and rambling...but its been sitting in my drafts for about 2 weeks now, and seeing as there are about 5 other posts in draft mode, and no recent posts to the blog i needed to post SOMETHING so this is I'll edit it one day, or you can leave a bunch of comments (preferred method) and we can engage in conversation***

Mr.-like new chick...she made me wait to get the booty...simple...but very important strategy...we'll only do what yall let us do to you
Moxie-i made The Night Spender wait to get the booty...3-4months..i think that's important..but at the same time...i think a man can do you wrong if he gets it the first night or 4 months later...
Mr. -and i'm here to tell you if we wait...we want YOU not sex
Moxie-i mean i get what you're saying...but just b/c a man waits does not mean he won't do the same ish...just means he likes and respects you enough, has the tolerance enough, or someone else to fulfill his carnal desires enough to wait
Mr.-it really doesn't but don't believe me...i'm just the only person wit a dick in the convo...not to mention i'm older
Moxie-lol, well your age definitely adds more experience and wisdom..but i mean your logic behind waiting, is that the same as a 25 yr old's logic?

Dating 101, make him wait! How long as women have we heard this? "If you want to know if a man REALLY likes you for you and not just sex, make him wait for sex." The three month rule (90 Day Rule) which has been ingrained in us is the dating mantra, a golden rule, for women. Whenever something goes wrong in a relationship its usually the first thing that pops into our heads. "Did we have sex too soon?", or its often the first question we are asked when we turn to our friends for advice "When did you guys start having sex?" For years we've assumed the demise of our past relationships, with what may have been great men, was due to giving up the goods too soon. Giving away the milk for free...maybe?

@justpinks: Why do women try to put a time clock on their vaginas? Just b/c he waits for it, doesn't mean he won't still treat u like a smut!

One day on twitter this tweet really struck me. For so long I've believed this Three Month Rule to be the golden standard, one of the simple things that makes a world of difference in relationships. Now, I'm not throwing out the baby with the bathwater here. I am not saying we should have sex with men upon meeting them, all I am saying is we cannot assume that having a man wait for sex is somehow going to guarantee a relationship or if it does lead to a relationship it does not automatically guarantee a good healthy one. There are so many other components that make up a relationship, sex, while it is a big and important part of any and every relationship it is not the lone determining factor. What I have noticed is many men who come to me spouting the virtues of the women who made them wait often have a few things in common. During this waiting period they:
  1. Respected the woman more [pro]
  2. Was actively having sex with another woman [con]
Its easy to give a woman the time and space she needs/demands sexually when you have someone else to fulfill those sexual urges. So my question then is, is this new attraction really genuine? I don't question that you respect her more because she has a set of morals that says 'don't have sex with every man that buys her a drink', but at the same time while you are falling for her and all she stands for who is she falling for? With girl #2 on the side at your beck and call its easy to go on date after date with a new prospect and not press the sex issue. All the while you would have us believe you are abstaining in an effort to explore aspects of our personality aside from the sexual. In all honesty, how many women would after three months of getting to know someone/dating, if they knew he was, during that time, having sex with someone else, would you in turn still sleep with him? I'm pretty sure the answer is a resounding no. 

So while I do uphold the benefits of the 3 Month Rule, at the same time I encourage you not be naive. Ultimately every relationship changes once sex is added into the equation, be it for the better or worse. The dynamics will change, its just the nature of the beast. Sometimes it brings you closer as a couple, other times is pushes you further away, just be sure you guys discuss what it is you both want out of the relationship, if its even a relationship.

[milk has an expiration date, like c'mon there is only SO long you can keep it before it if no one is buying the cow...hmmmm why not shell out some samples..lmbo, I'M KIDDING!!].

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

A Belle in Brooklyn

My relationship go to blog...I read this daily like one reads the bible, brushes their teeth, showers!!!! This is my go to blog for ALL things relationship...and today there was a VERY good, provoking post...CHECK IT OUT!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Condom Conundrum

I'm 24 and I can say I've never bought condoms *gasp*. That seems so sexually irresponsible of me, and I'm sure someone reading this (or not) is thinking "its 2010, what do you mean?" Now let me state for the record I practice safe sex...I've just never personally purchased the life jacket. I have gone with the significant other to purchase them, just never been the one doing the purchasing. Maybe this has a lot to do with when I was in middle school and a few friends and myself decided to try and buy condoms to see what they looked like up close and personal. And just our luck our teacher walks into the store and decides to have a chat. We quickly stuff the condoms in an oven mitt and never did buy them. Also, I was involved with someone who insisted on being the one who purchased the condoms. He did not trust it if he did not buy it. [I think he had an unhealthy fear of someone trying to 'trap' him or something...but anyway.] That also contributed to my condom conundrum.

Ever since then I've always associated buying condoms with something I'm not suppose to do. Not like its not my responsibility, just that I get this overwhelming anxiety like someone is looking at me and thinking "She isn't suppose to be having sex." And I guess it can be said if I cannot muster the strength and courage to buy condoms I probably should not be having sex (lol). However, I'm sure I am not the only one with this problem.

Also, along with the fear of purchasing condoms, there is the question. How many condoms is TOO many? I know it seems like a silly question, but at what point is it just too many condoms for a girl to have at her disposal. [Yes, it can be said with the state of STDs today there is no such thing as too much, but in this instance I am talking about perception.] At what point is it too much, and a girl is considered a slut. Like if he comes over and I open a drawer and let him choose from a plethora of brands/flavors/and I think then its too much. I've heard that a simple three pack is ideal for a woman, where she looks concerned enough with her health, but isn't giving off the perception that she has sex with so many men she needs her own condom facility. ***I need more men reading my blog so I can get male feedback on these IMPORTANT questions.***

In the end, my approach seems to be working for me, for now. I don't have to deal with the added cost of buying condoms (although I do have to foot the bill for the lingerie when deemed needed) and I can say without a doubt I've never had an STD and I am not someones mom. :D

P.S. But maybe I might psych myself up and waltz into a store sometime in the near future and tackle this fear.

P.P.S. I've been trying thing new thing with my posts, less picture more content (i.e. longer posts..well I'm really trying with extending the length)...what do you think?

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Good Men

"They were all good men, they just weren't good to me." ~moxie_b

I've been bombarded with the "there are no good men left" theory lately, its been on repeat for the past few weeks and a girl can't help but think about it. For a while I subscribed to this mantra. I was an angry woman who thought there was indeed 'NO GOOD MEN LEFT' (angry face), and every time I thought about it my future looked lonely and bleak. I have encountered 'bad' men [what exactly makes a man bad in comparison to 'good' anyway?] but when I think about it I've never been in a relationship with a 'bad' man. In fact all of my past relationships have been with what you'd describe as good men. Intelligent, goal-oriented, employed, good looking, great sense of humor etc. etc. the list goes on. Why else would I have been attracted to them, why else would I have been involved with them if they weren't indeed good men?! But, somewhere, somehow things went south, the relationship ended. They, however, did not cease to be good men.

I am the type to remain friends with an ex, and as I look at some of my past conquests (hahaha, ok that's a joke guys) I can see myself falling for them again (if only I was a repeat offender) as a matter of fact, I can see why any lucky girl could fall for them. They are great family men, young professionals, can hold a conversation in a room full of business execs, simply put...they are GOOD men. However, they just weren't good to me, it wasn't meant to be maybe, and in a case or two it ended badly. But can you really blame the end of a relationship on someone not being a good man? When I look back I can sigh in relief and say I'm happy things ended, sometimes it takes a bad ending for you to see the good in someone, and why that good was just not meant for you, but it reminds you that if I could get a great guy like that, even for a little while, I can probably get a better guy for even longer (hehehe).

All in all, they broke my heart, did or said things I hope today they regret (lol). I've shed my share of tears over failed loves like any other 20-something...but to say there are no more good men left would be doing myself a dis-service. It would mean resigning myself to the possibility of either settling in order to settle down or spending the rest of my life alone. I refuse to do either. I refuse to settle for some sub par mediocre relationship because I'm afraid to die alone, and I refuse to live life depressed because I'm single. So, Instead of focusing on the supposed lack of good men, I choose to focus on becoming a good woman. Good men and good women I hope so, or else I might have to rethink this

talk amongst yourselves ;]
Header Image by Colorpiano Illustration