Happy Holiday!!

In honor of the holiday season I have changed my layout. I will also attempt to have happier, holiday friendly posts..lol.

Once Upon a Time...Happily Ever After

I blame Disney! Its all Disney's fault, all the disillisuioned fantasies I have about love and romance was forced on my by the Disney Corp. They continue to perpetrate this fantasy to girls around the world year after year, and one day a little girl is going to grow up and come to the harsh realization that there is no Prince Charming coming to rescue her on his white horse and whisk her away to live happily ever after. That doesn't happen! (no comments from the 1 in a BILLION who do get whisked away...please and thank-you..lol.)

Disney romanticizes relationships and everything is all fluffy and blurry and blissfull. There is the handsome prince you fall helplessly in love with, and you only get the prince if you're pretty and in distress; there is no emotional connection whatsoever. But you get married and live happily ever after?! We buy into it, as is evident my the women who go in search every year for the ball gown wedding dresses, the men who propose to women in horse drawn carriages, and the girls who wish for it all.

All of the fairy tales neglect to portray the hardships of relationships, *pause* they don't even show relationships, they show the courtship, and straight from courtship is marriage. (hmmm maybe they are on to something...lol). Disney makes girls believe all you have to do is be pretty, helpless, and a handsome prince will find you. They forget to tell us that usually this handsome prince had found quite a few damsels and being in such 'high demand' decides to get a few more notches on his belt before he considers marriage. But he'll ride in and appear to whisk you away, and whisk he does, only to drop you off a few miles down the path to help another damsel onto his horse.

With Disney conforming to the times, now we have an African American princess *woot woot* (still perpetrating a fraud and happy endings..grrrr, but I mean c'mon, I can still be happy..lol.) I am waiting for the day when disney will have a fairy tale of a divorced single mom, and why can't she live happily ever after, or even a fairy tale of a single career-driven woman who also lives happily ever after. We need more realistic fairy tales. And maybe they don't need to live happily ever after, maybe they coninue to struggle everyday with their own issues but they live, with or without the prince.

Big Love (HBO series)

I'm pretty sure you all are familiar with the HBO series Big Love. To make a long story short, its about a Morman man with three (3) wives. I've recently become addicted to this show. Over the course of my Thanksgiving weekend I've watched EVERY episode, that is 3 entire seasons.

It makes me wonder if I could ever be one of many wives. I know I can definitely not be one of many girlfriends, so that should automatically rule out being wife #3, you'd think. I'm 24, and I'm nowhere near finding love, even though I haplessly stumble into 'like' every few weeks or so. Love, however, evades me. And maybe its this recent bout with...God knows what it is or was, that has me even thinking about like and love and relationships. I feel like I've been in polygamous relationships, I KNOW I've been in polygamous relationships...jerks! They just weren't upfront about it. [LOL]

The same issues they seem to struggle with on Big Love I have struggled with. The fight for attention and affection, the feeling of not being #1. So why do they stay? Why did I stay with some of these men or even tolerate it as long as I did? If I knew the answer to that question I'd solve many of the world's problems. End wars probably. Aren't all wars fought over women anyway...lol, if not then it should be.

Did I mention how much it irks me when men expouse these theories on how humans aren't naturally monogymous, so we should just accept the fact that men cheat *severe side eye*. Uh, yea okay, you run with that theory, lets see how far it gets you buddy. I am attracted to intelligent men, the only down side with dating someone who is highly intelligent is that he fabricates pretty convincing reasons as to why he/men in general do the hurtful, insensitive, and down right stupid stuff they sometimes, and will most likely do. Hence my dilemna, dating someone that can effectively convince me to accept the stupid things men do, and me countering that argument, makes for good debate, but is sure to end badly.

A Letter To the Ladies

A Letter To the Ladies

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Riding in Cars with Boys, Part I

I've been doing this forever. All I can seem to ask is: "Are we there yet?" Granted the driver has changed some, its the same ride; with a little back seat action here and there. I listen to my friends' dating stories and I'm always saying to them "Where do you find these guys", only to now look at myself and say "You sure know how to pick 'em." And boy do I! I have an affinity for the asshole/jerk. I can admit this, I have come to terms with this. But, I still find it surprising.

Now this one...he's SO confusing. Men always like to say we don't know what we want, but I find that to be the other way around. For me at least. I know exactly what I want, the problem is how to go about getting what I want.

I've been hesitant to REALLY talk about my relationships on this blog, but I'll take a risk, maybe I'll delete it later, who knows. I seem to have a revolving door of men in my life, those 2 that I recycle. I'm one who doesn't like to meet news guys for fear of encountering the same problems, just with a new face; and by sticking with my select few at least I know what to expect. Counterproductive, I KNOW! But, I did venture out this summer, but now the things that kept me from giving new guys a chance seems to be slowly but surely creeping up and biting me on the butt. I've known Mr. New Guy (yup that's his alias for now..lol) indirectly for over a year. Indirectly? Yes, don' ask. This summer we actually started talking, before this surge in communication I could NOT stand him. I thought he was a misogynistic jerk (hmmm, trust your instinct ladies).

Back on track, I have no idea where we are going, but I'm ready to get there, or at least get out this car and take a cab back home. For a long time I ignored his advances and didn't take any of it seriously. Even the numerous proposals (is that the right choice of words) to be his girlfriend. I mean I'm here and he's there (yea its one of those). So NO. But then I visit, after MUCH pleading, and at the end of it all I didn't think anything of the experience..until. But now, I'm all confused. It seems like the moment I start liking him is the exact same moment he starts reverting back into the guy I had loathed for SO long. Now what I had been avoiding for so long seems to have happened. I LIKE HIM, and that sucks! I did SO well with my guard up and shield in position, for so long.

While I have all these grand ideas and suggestions and advice I give my friends, I can't seem to conjure up a single thing for myself. I can't seem to posses any follow through in my own situations and I feel like I'm stuck in this car with no airbags and heading for a 3 car pile up on a major highway. I feel like I'm going to die (emotionally that is) because dating is really killing me softly. I don't want to go back to one of those 2 (my revolving door) but situations like this forces me back to my dysfunctional comfort zone and while I'm desperately trying not to give in, I don't know how much will power I have.