Good Men

"They were all good men, they just weren't good to me." ~moxie_b

I've been bombarded with the "there are no good men left" theory lately, its been on repeat for the past few weeks and a girl can't help but think about it. For a while I subscribed to this mantra. I was an angry woman who thought there was indeed 'NO GOOD MEN LEFT' (angry face), and every time I thought about it my future looked lonely and bleak. I have encountered 'bad' men [what exactly makes a man bad in comparison to 'good' anyway?] but when I think about it I've never been in a relationship with a 'bad' man. In fact all of my past relationships have been with what you'd describe as good men. Intelligent, goal-oriented, employed, good looking, great sense of humor etc. etc. the list goes on. Why else would I have been attracted to them, why else would I have been involved with them if they weren't indeed good men?! But, somewhere, somehow things went south, the relationship ended. They, however, did not cease to be good men.

I am the type to remain friends with an ex, and as I look at some of my past conquests (hahaha, ok that's a joke guys) I can see myself falling for them again (if only I was a repeat offender) as a matter of fact, I can see why any lucky girl could fall for them. They are great family men, young professionals, can hold a conversation in a room full of business execs, simply put...they are GOOD men. However, they just weren't good to me, it wasn't meant to be maybe, and in a case or two it ended badly. But can you really blame the end of a relationship on someone not being a good man? When I look back I can sigh in relief and say I'm happy things ended, sometimes it takes a bad ending for you to see the good in someone, and why that good was just not meant for you, but it reminds you that if I could get a great guy like that, even for a little while, I can probably get a better guy for even longer (hehehe).

All in all, they broke my heart, did or said things I hope today they regret (lol). I've shed my share of tears over failed loves like any other 20-something...but to say there are no more good men left would be doing myself a dis-service. It would mean resigning myself to the possibility of either settling in order to settle down or spending the rest of my life alone. I refuse to do either. I refuse to settle for some sub par mediocre relationship because I'm afraid to die alone, and I refuse to live life depressed because I'm single. So, Instead of focusing on the supposed lack of good men, I choose to focus on becoming a good woman. Good men and good women attract..no? I hope so, or else I might have to rethink this theory..lol.


talk amongst yourselves ;]

Apartment Woes Pt. 2

Ever since I moved out on my own all the men in my life, past and present, are anxious to come over, spend the night, hang out. *pause* All of a sudden, I am "missed" and we "just haven't spent enough time together lately." *pause* Where is this coming from? I am surely not uber excited to hang out with you, and reminisce about 'old times.' [Sometimes I wish I never sent that ill fated text notifying everyone of my new phone number].


So, as a result I have become a very skilled liar, and avoider. I can conjure up ridiculous tales of why someone can't "just stop by", or "come over and chill". I have become so skilled at the art of avoidance that I find myself accidentally avoiding friends I actually WANT to see. Granted, I haven't been able to freely enjoy this independence of living on my own [for reasons too stressful & lengthy to disclose]. That in conjunction with the constant escape tactics I've been forced to develop, this is making my life tricky. The one benefit is my hectic work schedule. It has calmed down dramatically since September, but from July through September i was working on average 200+ hours a month, seven days a week. Then, it was relatively easy to avoid the menfolk. Now that I am down to the good ole 40 hours a week, with weekends available I have no basis not to see, or be seen. However, I still want to go into hiding.

I have become very skeptical of men who want to come over, "spend some time". This is my castle, my domain, my refuge! I don't want to defile it with some unworthy male specimen who is only after one thing. A romp in the sack [do they still us that phrase?]. Only one man has spent the night, and another came for a brief BORING visit...lol. The night spender.. *sigh* he's another blog for another time, so much has gone on between us...smh. The boring visit, I think I mentioned it in my 2010 post [go read it!]. I say all that to say this, I am not a fan of men in my personal space. Especially when they invite themselves. I feel that when I extend an invitation for you to come over it really means something. I have no problem trekking to your location, braving obstacles and the elements to snuggle up in your bed, in YOUR apartment, and at the end of it all I go home and unwind. Home is where the heart is, and after dealing with the constant battle with my heart at 'his' place I go home to de-stress and put the pieces back together. I want no memories of us snuggled up on the couch watching movies, no memories of me cooking [ok...ordering] dinner in the kitchen. NO! I don't want any of those things in MY apartment!

I want to save my apartment for a RELATIONSHIP, is that weird? That man who I can say without a doubt is my boyfriend/significant other/etc. I don't want to parade men through my apartment who I'm just dating/talking to/etc., no real reason for you to ever see beyond the 1689 on the front of the building. Men have a tendency to get comfortable in your space once you let them in, and in the event to not let anyone get too comfortable I don't invite them into this space. Especially those whom I have had past 'relations' with, no good comes from you stepping through those doors. I have no plans to relapse.