The One Night Stand...

Sometimes I just want to do it! You know, have sex; but then I consider my options. I'm not in a relationship at the moment, not currently 'involved' with anyone, and the men in my past are a 'no fly zone' you know, those situations where I made that mistake once, so I refuse for there to be a second time. With all of that said, it does not negate the fact that sometimes I just want to do IT, 'the nasty', 'do the do', get some luvin'. While its a completely natural craving, I can't bring myself to have a random one night stand. Just take a guy home from the club and give him the business.

I feel before one even gets the pleasure to see my often miss-matched undies, view me as I wiggle out of my skirt and completely mess my hair up as my shirt is aggressively pulled over my head.....there needs to be some banter. A clever back and forth exchanging of ideas at which point I become extremely attracted to this other individual and I can no longer look at his broad shoulders and not imagine my head resting neatly between his shoulder bade and neck as I snuggle up to catch a faint smell of him. I need that! I love the witty remarks, and off the cuff comments. However, I understand that it takes a while for things to get to that point. There is the initial meeting, exchanging of numbers, breaking the ice phone conversations and the few preliminary dates/excursions, etc. I usually cannot seriously consider sex before this happens. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it crosses my mind, but something somewhere inside reminds me of the fact that oft times its too soon.

Ok, and while everything I've previously stated is indeed true. Another great big obstacle to throwing caution to the wind and just giving in to temptation is...the fact that I have these things called feelings and emotions and they are somewhat magnetized and can tend to get attached to whomever I have sex with. There is something to be said about that saying (is it a saying or just a thought?) that you carry a piece of whomever you have sex with in you (no pun intended) or something to that effect. And with all that said some people, after getting to know them, I just don't want ANY piece of them in me, be it for one night only. Now, I'm not saying I necessarily need a relationship (ok bare with me) but I need some sort of foundation, be it at least a friendship. I need to know you, know something about you, feel like we connect in some type of way. This (meaning me, my body) is kind of important to me, I need these things before I let loose and let go. You need to make me trust you with me, because in that moment I am vulnerable.

I can't be the girl who after sex jumps out of bed gets dressed and leaves. A part of that has to do with the fact I love to cuddle and I usually become a human pretzel and find myself intertwined in him as I fall asleep. You can't do that with just anyone. 


That's why I've been sleeping...alone.

P.S. For the next week or so I am going to desperately try to post every day...wish me luck..lol

Buying the Cow

***DISCLAIMER: this is no where near finished or completed to my liking, it a stream of consciousness and rambling...but its been sitting in my drafts for about 2 weeks now, and seeing as there are about 5 other posts in draft mode, and no recent posts to the blog i needed to post SOMETHING so this is it...lol. I'll edit it one day, or you can leave a bunch of comments (preferred method) and we can engage in conversation***

Mr.-like new chick...she made me wait to get the booty...simple...but very important strategy...we'll only do what yall let us do to you

Moxie-i made The Night Spender wait to get the booty...3-4months..i think that's important..but at the same time...i think a man can do you wrong if he gets it the first night or 4 months later...

Mr. -and i'm here to tell you if we wait...we want YOU not sex

Moxie-i mean i get what you're saying...but just b/c a man waits does not mean he won't do the same ish...just means he likes and respects you enough, has the tolerance enough, or someone else to fulfill his carnal desires enough to wait

Mr.-it really doesn't but don't believe me...i'm just the only person wit a dick in the convo...not to mention i'm older

Moxie-lol, well your age definitely adds more experience and wisdom..but i mean your logic behind waiting, is that the same as a 25 yr old's logic?

Mr.-yes

Dating 101, make him wait! How long as women have we heard this? "If you want to know if a man REALLY likes you for you and not just sex, make him wait for sex." The three month rule (90 Day Rule) which has been ingrained in us is the dating mantra, a golden rule, for women. Whenever something goes wrong in a relationship its usually the first thing that pops into our heads. "Did we have sex too soon?", or its often the first question we are asked when we turn to our friends for advice "When did you guys start having sex?" For years we've assumed the demise of our past relationships, with what may have been great men, was due to giving up the goods too soon. Giving away the milk for free...maybe?

@justpinks: Why do women try to put a time clock on their vaginas? Just b/c he waits for it, doesn't mean he won't still treat u like a smut!

One day on twitter this tweet really struck me. For so long I've believed this Three Month Rule to be the golden standard, one of the simple things that makes a world of difference in relationships. Now, I'm not throwing out the baby with the bathwater here. I am not saying we should have sex with men upon meeting them, all I am saying is we cannot assume that having a man wait for sex is somehow going to guarantee a relationship or if it does lead to a relationship it does not automatically guarantee a good healthy one. There are so many other components that make up a relationship, sex, while it is a big and important part of any and every relationship it is not the lone determining factor. What I have noticed is many men who come to me spouting the virtues of the women who made them wait often have a few things in common. During this waiting period they:

1. Respected the woman more [pro]
2. Was actively having sex with another woman [con]

Its easy to give a woman the time and space she needs/demands sexually when you have someone else to fulfill those sexual urges. So my question then is, is this new attraction really genuine? I don't question that you respect her more because she has a set of morals that says 'don't have sex with every man that buys her a drink', but at the same time while you are falling for her and all she stands for who is she falling for? With girl #2 on the side at your beck and call its easy to go on date after date with a new prospect and not press the sex issue. All the while you would have us believe you are abstaining in an effort to explore aspects of our personality aside from the sexual. In all honesty, how many women would after three months of getting to know someone/dating, if they knew he was, during that time, having sex with someone else, would you in turn still sleep with him? I'm pretty sure the answer is a resounding no. 

So while I do uphold the benefits of the 3 Month Rule, at the same time I encourage you not be naive. Ultimately every relationship changes once sex is added into the equation, be it for the better or worse. The dynamics will change, its just the nature of the beast. Sometimes it brings you closer as a couple, other times is pushes you further away, just be sure you guys discuss what it is you both want out of the relationship, if its even a relationship.




[milk has an expiration date, like c'mon there is only SO long you can keep it before it spoils...so if no one is buying the cow...hmmmm why not shell out some samples..lmbo, I'M KIDDING!!].

Condom Conundrum

I'm 24 and I can say I've never bought condoms *gasp*. That seems so sexually irresponsible of me, and I'm sure someone reading this (or not) is thinking "its 2010, what do you mean?" Now let me state for the record I practice safe sex...I've just never personally purchased the life jacket. I have gone with the significant other to purchase them, just never been the one doing the purchasing. Maybe this has a lot to do with when I was in middle school and a few friends and myself decided to try and buy condoms to see what they looked like up close and personal. And just our luck our teacher walks into the store and decides to have a chat. We quickly stuff the condoms in an oven mitt and never did buy them. Also, I was involved with someone who insisted on being the one who purchased the condoms. He did not trust it if he did not buy it. [I think he had an unhealthy fear of someone trying to 'trap' him or something...but anyway.] That also contributed to my condom conundrum.

Ever since then I've always associated buying condoms with something I'm not suppose to do. Not like its not my responsibility, just that I get this overwhelming anxiety like someone is looking at me and thinking "She isn't suppose to be having sex." And I guess it can be said if I cannot muster the strength and courage to buy condoms I probably should not be having sex (lol). However, I'm sure I am not the only one with this problem.

Also, along with the fear of purchasing condoms, there is the question. How many condoms is TOO many? I know it seems like a silly question, but at what point is it just too many condoms for a girl to have at her disposal. [Yes, it can be said with the state of STDs today there is no such thing as too much, but in this instance I am talking about perception.] At what point is it too much, and a girl is considered a slut. Like if he comes over and I open a drawer and let him choose from a plethora of brands/flavors/and textures..lol. I think then its too much. I've heard that a simple three pack is ideal for a woman, where she looks concerned enough with her health, but isn't giving off the perception that she has sex with so many men she needs her own condom facility. ***I need more men reading my blog so I can get male feedback on these IMPORTANT questions.***

In the end, my approach seems to be working for me, for now. I don't have to deal with the added cost of buying condoms (although I do have to foot the bill for the lingerie when deemed needed) and I can say without a doubt I've never had an STD and I am not someones mom. :D


P.S. But maybe I might psych myself up and waltz into a store sometime in the near future and tackle this fear.

P.P.S. I've been trying thing new thing with my posts, less picture more content (i.e. longer posts..well I'm really trying with extending the length)...what do you think?