moxie_b

Gimmie Kiss

2010-07-18T23:33:00.000-04:00

***Sorry for the mini vacation. I told you I was going to be more social, and unfortunately my blog suffered...but I'm BACK***

I'm going through this weird phase where all I want to do is kiss boys. Nothing more or less just lots of kissing. Have I somehow reverted back to my middle school/high school years when to kiss was something of a BIG DEAL?

Maybe, maybe not. All I can say, beyond the shadow of doubt, is I want to kiss boys...lots of boys..but they must be cute! For the past two weeks I've been going out and partying, on the hunt for a cute suave guy to kiss. What would you know, I haven't found one yet. Who knew finding a cutie to randomly kiss would be so difficult! Here I thought these men were plentiful and just waiting for my lips to graze theirs. Well I was fooled, hoodwinked and bamboozled!

As I shared this new short term goal with some friends I received some pretty interesting responses which made me think.

Response #1:

ONLY WHITE GIRLS DO THAT!

Really? This sort of reckless (i use that word loosely) abandon is reserved for only white girls? How is that so? I've seen friends when drunk kiss and make out with many guys, and they're black. But while they admit yes black girls get drunk and might kiss or more with someone only white girls go out with the intent to kiss strangers. I've never looked at it that way before. And while I can go into a long dissertation on the way sexual freedom is perceived in comparison to white and black women...I will not. That's another blog post for another time...maybe next week.

Response #2

I CAN'T KISS SOMEONE AND IT NOT MEAN ANYTHING, BUT I CAN HAVE SEX AND NOT KISS (ONE NIGHT STANDS).

I found this response most shocking. While I can agree that kissing is very emotional but to say it has more of an emotional connection than sex is something of a shocker. While to me sometimes a kiss is a simply a kiss and not some big sign that we are in love, sex almost always carries with it emotions and those pesky things called feelings. Basically for that individual it is easier to disconnect their feelings when it comes to sex than from kissing. Apparently a lot of people feel this way. It makes me wonder if I am the only one who does not posses that superpower. While sex is extremely emotional for me kissing..not so much. I'm much more open to a random kiss than to a one night stand...and I kind of like it that way.

So...last night I went out again with the purpose of kissing a boy, and while there is one guy who I sort of informed of this plan, and told if we were ever in the same club in the near future he'll get a smooch, it didn't happen. Again I have fallen short of my goal. He was there...looked exceptionally kissable, but nothing happened. I was way into chill mode, not feeling too adventurous, and met a guy who was sort of c*ck blocked by my kissable associate...LOL.

Next weekend we'll start all over again...Mission Kiss a Cute Guy still in effect!

At the end of the day, all I want is a boy to smush his face against mine...is that so wrong?

Slim Thug's Opinion on Black Women

2010-06-10T11:07:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone, I've been so busy with...well nothing really. However, I wrote a response to Slim thug's comments in a recent Vibe interview and you can check it out on www.thisweekinblackness.com :

CLICK HERE

PLEASE comment and forward to all your friends!

We're Both Adults...

2010-05-17T14:41:00.000-04:00

***This is another post that's been sitting i my drafts for over two months...and seeing as I promised to post more I'm whipping this out for you guys. :D PLEEEEEEASE understand it has not been edited, suitably reviewed all that jazz.***

"We're both adults..."

How many of you single women have heard that phrase? [raises hand] I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Why is it the moment we enter 'adulthood' all of a sudden its taboo to be in a relationship? It seems like suddenly being an adult/grown-up is linked to having casual sex. How does that make sense?! In my twisted mind I assumed being adult meant having stable, long term relationships. I guess I was wrong. Well, if you ask any single man in the NY/NJ area about dating and relationships he'll give you his very basic approach "whatever happens...happens." No expectations, no goals, no plans. They just go with the flow. Maybe I am being too rigid and unrealistic.

Being an adult is taking responsibility for your actions, being able to make a commitment, be it to someone via a relationship, or to your career. What if we approached our careers that way. We enter a job field and simply say "we're all adults here so we'll just do the fun stuff and whatever happens...happens". I'm sure that company would fly right to the top of the Fortune 500 list [side eye]. I don't think so.

SERIOUSLY, I am not saying that everyone you have sex with should instantly become your significant other, by no means, c'mon I'm a realistic girl! But, too often men, and sometimes women...we go around uttering these ridiculous phrases and then wonder 3-4 years from now why we aren't in a relationship (black women we go along with this and now we are in "crisis"). Or, why we meet these low lives, well that's what you kept saying you wanted...an 'adult' who just took things as they came, made no plans, had no expectations! I can't live my life that way. Maybe, its just that I need to control everything, or need to know where things are going. That goes for every aspect of my life, career wise I need to have expectations for what I plan to achieve out of my position, and where I plan to be in the company years from now. I cannot have a lackadaisical approach to my career or my personal relationships.

If this is what one should expect from adult men, then I long to be in high school/college again where relationships ruled...LOL.

The One Night Stand...

2010-05-11T15:15:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I just want to do it! You know, have sex; but then I consider my options. I'm not in a relationship at the moment, not currently 'involved' with anyone, and the men in my past are a 'no fly zone' you know, those situations where I made that mistake once, so I refuse for there to be a second time. With all of that said, it does not negate the fact that sometimes I just want to do IT, 'the nasty', 'do the do', get some luvin'. While its a completely natural craving, I can't bring myself to have a random one night stand. Just take a guy home from the club and give him the business.

I feel before one even gets the pleasure to see my often miss-matched undies, view me as I wiggle out of my skirt and completely mess my hair up as my shirt is aggressively pulled over my head.....there needs to be some banter. A clever back and forth exchanging of ideas at which point I become extremely attracted to this other individual and I can no longer look at his broad shoulders and not imagine my head resting neatly between his shoulder bade and neck as I snuggle up to catch a faint smell of him. I need that! I love the witty remarks, and off the cuff comments. However, I understand that it takes a while for things to get to that point. There is the initial meeting, exchanging of numbers, breaking the ice phone conversations and the few preliminary dates/excursions, etc. I usually cannot seriously consider sex before this happens. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it crosses my mind, but something somewhere inside reminds me of the fact that oft times its too soon.

Ok, and while everything I've previously stated is indeed true. Another great big obstacle to throwing caution to the wind and just giving in to temptation is...the fact that I have these things called feelings and emotions and they are somewhat magnetized and can tend to get attached to whomever I have sex with. There is something to be said about that saying (is it a saying or just a thought?) that you carry a piece of whomever you have sex with in you (no pun intended) or something to that effect. And with all that said some people, after getting to know them, I just don't want ANY piece of them in me, be it for one night only. Now, I'm not saying I necessarily need a relationship (ok bare with me) but I need some sort of foundation, be it at least a friendship. I need to know you, know something about you, feel like we connect in some type of way. This (meaning me, my body) is kind of important to me, I need these things before I let loose and let go. You need to make me trust you with me, because in that moment I am vulnerable.

I can't be the girl who after sex jumps out of bed gets dressed and leaves. A part of that has to do with the fact I love to cuddle and I usually become a human pretzel and find myself intertwined in him as I fall asleep. You can't do that with just anyone.

That's why I've been sleeping...alone.

P.S. For the next week or so I am going to desperately try to post every day...wish me luck..lol

Live @ 25

2010-05-10T17:58:00.000-04:00

Birthday week....OVER!!!

All I can say is that I survived :D. The week started of rocky, VERY rocky, and ended equally as rocky. But somewhere in between the rock and a hard place there was a glimmer of fun and excitement. However, the celebrating is not over, there is my trip to New Orleans at the end of the month, which is what I am considering my TRUE birthday celebration. I am seriously contemplating going into detail the events of this past week, or holding off until a better time to bore you with my anticlimactic celebration, hmmm maybe I'll wait until after New Orleans, because I'm almost certain some wild and unmentionable things will happen here...lol.

So, its been some time since I've talked to you all, do you miss me? I'm sure you do. Well, I cut my hair *gasp*, I am still trying to adjust to it, and style it, everyday its a new challenge, but I shall emerge victorious. I have yet to take some cute pics with the new cut, but when I do I'll post a pic.

On to the meat and potatoes of the post. WHY HAVE I BEEN MISSING IN ACTION?! Simply put, I've been on such a major roller coaster ride that there just has been no stability enough for me to stop for even a minute and write something. If that was not bad enough, the little paragraphs and sentences I did manage to jot down all seem like a bunch of baloney. However, its official, I am 25. I don't feel any older and definitely don't feel much wiser. As a matter of fact I feel like everything I thought and all my philosophical theories on life just doesn't make much sense anymore. Maybe that is not an accurate description, SEE I'm already second guessing myself. And maybe...just maybe this is my insecurity pouring out, but sometimes I feel for someone my age I should know more, have experienced more, just BE MORE all together! While some of you may just have scrunched your noses and wondered what the hell I meant, I can't thoroughly explain the feeling.

A part of me feels when compared to other 25 year old individuals, I'm somehow lacking some great life experience. However, I think this is just that BIG doubting yourself phase most twenty-somethings go through, and I seemed to dive head first into it. As of late I doubt EVERYTHING about myself, and the biggest of this seems to be my career. I seem to doubt whether I can do many of the things I seem to be currently doing. But somehow, someway I don't feel like I'm quite capable. It does not matter that I am currently taking the bull by its horns and doing a pretty good job. No! All I can seem to think is 'am I cut out for this?' and 'I hope i don't screw it up too much!' Sad. Hopefully this passes, because I am already a super stressed out person on the regular, the added the stress from all this self doubt cannot be good for me.

I need to take a step back and just...BREATHE.

Moving on...IN?!

2010-04-16T16:42:00.000-04:00

Lately, well for the past year, I've been contemplating what it would be like to live with a man. Now, before I proceed, let me state for the record that in no way am I ready to share my living spaces with someone of the opposite sex, its just a thought. However, I must admit there have been times cohabitation has scurried across my mind. I have all these fantasies of coming home to a hot meal (gender role reversal much..lol) and a warm bath; someone to share my day with and then snuggle up next to. In the morning, I roll over..kiss him, and off I am to prepare for my day ahead. That sounds like something from off a TV show. Does that happen anymore?! I know for me, if I was to decided to move in with someone or move someone in with me, my days would not play out exactly like that. It'll probably go more like this:

I arrive home from work at 10:30pm. Exhausted, and feet aching from my heels; which I only wore today because I had an event. Upon turning my key in the door I take off my shoes and breathe a sigh of relief. I look around the messy apartment and see him, at the dining room table on his laptop working. He's eating takeout, and doesn't look too happy.

"Hi baby" I squeal, and limp over to give him a kiss.
"Hey" he blandly retorts. "What happened around here? I thought you were going to do the laundry and make dinner?"

Knowing that I promised to do all of these things and more I quickly scramble for an excuse. As factual as my excuse may be I know it still won't cut it. "I know, but I've been so busy with work, and
I just haven't gotten around to it. You know I'm not very domestic hunnie. So....ooooh look those muscles, someone has been working out" *wink*

He obviously doesn't fall for it. Returns a stern look and wiggles out of my grasp.

Do you guys see where this is going? Shall I continue? I mean, after just the first 5 minutes of me walking through the door can you really and truly think I'm the live-in girlfriend type? LOL, I'll be the first to admit that I am not. Not unless you are an extremely understanding man, who does not mind laundry being done about once a month, or every one and a half months. If you are able to understand I work crazy hours, and after working those crazy hours I bring some of that work home with me. If anyone out there of the opposite sex can accept that I cannot cook, AT ALL, but am a master of takeout and will welcome me with open arms...then bless your heart!

While I have the TV's picture perfect, sometimes comedic view of cohabitation I am awfully realistic. I know I'm not able to take care of a man, I've just started taking care of myself to be quite honest. However, I do at times wish there was someone waiting on the other side of the door when I came home. Maybe a puppy would suffice, but thats another major responsibility I have no time for.

Back to the subject at hand. I find men to be too demanding when it comes to women. They want the professional woman who works the 9-5, with the sexy business suit and 5" heels who can come home make a fabulous dinner and take care of the kids. While there are some superwomen like that who exist, I am not one of those. I can wear the fabulous suit with the heels, have intelligent conversations with the best of them and be great at office parties, but all the domestic stuff...nope that's not me. So where does one find a man who understands and appreciates that in this world of home cooked meals and Destiny Child's Cate to You being the theme? There are women who want no parts of it (just yet) and is fully comitted to everything else except cooking and cleaning. That can't be all bad...right? :-\

I mean...I do plan on doing all that stuff one day, just not today, or tomorrow, or even the day after that. Maybe, 5 years from now I'll be the superwoman. What about a superwoman in training...no one gives us credit! I think all superwomen in training need to be shown some appreciation and understanding.

FVK NJTransit

2010-04-14T08:33:00.002-04:00

JGWA--Jersey Girl With an Attitude

WTH NJTransit?! Fare increase of 25% set to take effect May1st. Really though?! That's a lot at one time. I get it, we get it, it's a recession, but c'mon your service is piss poor (and that's on a good day) if there is any service at all! Oh and here's the best part! Urban bus routes fares will only increase by 10%, while those commuting into NYC (trains & buses) will go up by 25%. They basically said if you're commuting to NY everyday for work you make more money so we'll rape your paycheck.

This is SO ridiculous! I'm a commuter, I commute to work in NYC Mon-Fri and often on the weekends as well (for work). I don't know how much other NYC commuters are paid but I'm not living lavish enough to pay 25% more for 100% LESS! Yes...less. The service on NJTransit is horrible to say the least.

Let me break it down for you:

TRAINS:
*Constantly delayed
*Always held up leaving NY Penn Station (they don't tell you it's an hr delay until you're already ON the train and the doors are locked...so no getting off to take the PATH!!)
*ALL NJTransit trains stop running at midnight! WTH! NJ a heavily urban state so close to NYC, why would all trains stop running at midnight and don't start back up until 5am!!! (god forbid I want to enjoy my youth beyond 12...I'm not fvkin Cinderella! Why must I leave the ball early!!! I swear NJTransit is the ugly stepmother & sisters!

BUSES:
*ALWAYS late! Always always always. And ridiculously late too. At 30mins that's nonsense, any other place of employment if this happend regulary the employee would be fired! NOOO not at NJT, it rewarded with a 15min break!
*Filthy buses! Disgustingly filthy! Need I say more?
*the buses ALSO stop running at midnight and don't start again until 5am!!! So if I miss the last train I can't get a bus I'm stranded for FIVE HOURS!!! Does that make sense?! A major transportation hub that is Newark Penn Station is virtually vacant for FIVE HOURS!! The entire fvkin state has NO public transportation running for FIVE HOURS a day!!!

But I must pay 25% more?! What am I getting? Is that extra 25% going to add trains and bus service between midnight and 5am? Will it ensure timely arrivals and departures? None of the above. They actually are increasing fares AND cutting back on services!

There is no real competition in NJ public transportation. Coach Buses, Path Trains, etc pose no real threat to NJT. NJT has monoplized public transportation throughout the entire state! While the fat cats in Trenton are lining their pockets with my 25% I can't stay out past 11pm, and I'm running 30mins late, so I'll miss the last train/bus and be stranded for five hours.

It's not to say I can take a cab to substitute the lack of NJT service. NJ cabs are horrible. There is no standard fare system, which means cabbies can charge you whatever they want ( which is usually outrageous fares). For example the same distance from my apt to the train station in one cab was $7, and another cab company was $20! Why is no one regulating this?! Why are there no meters?!

New Jersey residents are being given the short end of the stick. It's about time we take a stand! We have the highest property taxes, the most toll boots ( don't get me started on toll booths), and now we'll have the most outrageous fare increase. NJ is home of monopoly corporations, from NJTransit to PSE&G...let corruption reign! I'm writing a letter to my Congressman, State Assemblyman and Senator...enough is enough!

Random Outburst...Drive By Style ;]

2010-04-06T11:52:00.000-04:00

I'm 24, going on 25, I am not married, have no children, have a great career I love, and an apartment. I say all that to say this...WHERE IS MY RECOGNITION?! No one takes time out to congratulate me for not having babies out of wedlock [no offense to those who do..love ya..smooches], no one buys me a toaster for not marrying the wrong guy [it happens, have you seen the divorce rate...HELLO]. Nope, instead I, and women like me, are bombarded by our friends and associates with wedding invitations, ugly bridesmaid dresses, and baby shower invites. While I do love celebrating these great moments in my friends' lives, it causes me to stop and think. What if I never have children, and never meet Mr. Right and get married, the only thing I am allowed to celebrate is my birth?! I refuse to let that happen!

So...I graduated, got a job in this recession, work ridiculous hours that makes no sense, go home to an empty bed [damn I'm not making a good case for myself here...] and with all of that said I still can't get a "hey you're doing good kid". This ends here, I from this day forth institute a form of recognition, unlike Mothers' Day, Wedding, and Babies and all that crap, this day of recognition will be for women who have it all minus the husband, children, and all that jazz and fluff everyone rants and raves about. An 'I'm NOT having a baby...Shower!' Does that work? Does it make sense?

In all honesty, I just want to have a lavish party where I can have a registry and make my friends spend money on things I'd probably never need...lol.

Nice Girls Finish Last

2010-03-31T22:35:00.001-04:00

I'm not quite used to being told I'm too nice. In my personal life that has never been a common or accurate description of me. Don't get me wrong, I am a nice person [I think, some might disagree], but TOO nice, no that's not me. Or so I thought.

Apparently when it comes to my career I am too nice. I get told that on a daily basis by my boss. And its not good! I don't want to come across as a pushover or weak, but at the same time I don't want to be rude or nasty. I want to be strong, assertive, out spoken, but still nice, just not TOO nice! How can I do that?! How can I take the bull by the horns, yet be gentle enough that it doesn't charge?!

I feel like this is becoming a barrier, and something is telling me it's the reason (while I have taken on more responsibility) I haven't quite moved into the area I want to. It's easier for me to be, at times, bitchy in my personal life. I'm the boss of me! And no one pays me to regulate my life. It's a lot harder to be not so nice when someone else is signing your check and distributing tasks and responsibilities. When someone else's company and reputation is on the line.

Its hard enough for a woman in politics, let a lone a black woman in politics, not only that but a shy, NICE black woman, nah, that's not good. No woman in my field that I admire would ever be described as TOO nice, soft spoken, or timid. Heck no! Assertive, outspoken, galvanizing, that's what they are and were, and that's what I need to be. I need to learn how to incorporate my fiesty persona from my personal life to my career. I need to SOON, my five year plan is depending on it!

Too timid, and too soft spoken [apparently]! So many people believe in me, see things in me I wish I could see in myself. They don't doubt my abilities, yet I doubt myself at every given opportunity. I'm trying to overcome that, and it's a lot harder than I thought. See!! I'm even doubting not doubting myself...UGH!!!! I've attempted to make a list of my pros and cons (career wise), write down all the good people see and say, and line them up with all my doubts and insecurities, and compare it with all I've accomplished thus far (which admittedly is a lot). Needless to say I've never quite gotten around to it. I probably should...soon.

No more Ms. Nice Girl...[I'm going to start mean muggin' in corporate America, gorilla style baybee]

Single Ladies [and a bunch of other randomness]

2010-03-17T21:48:00.000-04:00

Its been a while coming..but I think I'm finally at peace with my singleness. I've stopped thrashing about and finally settled and I'm comfortable in my skin. Maybe this is a premature proclamation, but I think I'm pretty content right now. I recently ended a year long back and forth/on and off...thing [can we really call it a relationship?!] and right now I just want to relax and enjoy time with myself, and my friends. While I've declared that I am on sabbatical from men, I am open to new friendships [nothing more right now] and building on the friendships I already have.

SO..moving forward, while I've always had a lot of my focus on my career, now I can devote 100% of my attention to my career. This year [2010] I've taken on a lot more responsibility at work...took the bull by its horns, and making moves. It would be a lie if I said my blood pressure has not gone through the roof...but I enjoy every minute of my job. I learn something new everyday, and on the days when I just want to scream and give up I remind myself that I have my DREAM JOB, and that does not happen everyday. Not many people can say they love what they do, and even fewer who say it actually mean it...even on the bad days, I honestly love what I do. For a while there [ummm a year follow graduation] I thought maybe I majored in the wrong thing. I had panic attacks, emotional outbursts, and random cry fests to my friends. However, in the end things worked out. Now at 24 I can say I have a career, and my dream job, a 5 year pan that's on track, and nothing standing in my way. The highway of possibility, and opportunity awaits me, and if I don't have a man who cares because I'm doing some pretty fabulous stuff all by myself! :D

[DISCLAIMER: I am fully aware that I might relapse and write an angry man hating blog in the near future so don't rain on my parade..LOL]

Angry Black Woman Rant...&%@*$!?

2010-03-16T15:50:00.000-04:00

I've refused to address the recent [conspiracy theory] attacks on black women. First we can't find a good black man, and if we do we can't keep a good black man; also our net worth is only $5, and finally 48%* of us have herpes!!! WTF?! Are you serious?! Like, really serious?!

If black men didn't want us before they sure as hell are not going to want us now! We're angry, bitter, TOO successful, yet broke and have herpes...if you listened to EVERYTHING the media says about us then that's what you see when you see me. It doesn't matter that NONE of it applies to me and damn near EVERY black woman I know or have come into contact with, its what the world is being forced fed about us. It really makes you stop and think. Yet when it comes to the 'crisis' of single black women they want us to explore other races...white men and men of other races aren't banging our doors down [the option to date outside the race has just evaporated], they think we're disease infested, angry, gold diggers!

The media is painting us as undesirable, and you know what, they are doing a damn good job of it too! Are we surprised?! I'm not, its always been something. If not the alarming teenage pregnancies, and illegitimate babies in the black communities; its the growing rate of single mothers, or that black women are contracting HIV at an alarming rate, etc. etc. Whats next?!

...[RANT ENDED]

Missed Calls

2010-03-05T16:20:00.001-05:00

I didn't dial your number
because I needed someone to talk to
Arms to lay in
Or sweet words to fill my ears
I didn't call you because I can't hook up my speakers
or kill the spider above my bed
I was just wondering why
you haven't called
-Jill Scott (Pocket Size #5)

I love Jill Scott's book of poetry: 'The Moments, the Minutes, the Hours'; this poem is one of many that really embodies how I feel ~~sometimes~~ most times when it comes to men. Tonight is no exception. In this world where Twitter, Facebook, email and text messaging is quickly replacing a phone call I find it increasingly hard to have any real communication with men. Being limited to only 140 characters is not my ideal idea of a response, and its definitely not a major building block in forming a relationship. What makes a relationship any different from being a Follower on Twitter if we barricade ourselves within these social networks and refuse to make an attempt at conversing outside of them?

I truly miss middle/high school courting, giving a boy my number, getting that call at 7/8pm and sitting on the phone for hours. Talking and getting to know each other, that's a conversation, where I don't have to wait 5 minutes for a response. There is something about the flow of conversation that tells you a lot about someone. It teaches you about their thought process, it shows you their instinctive reactions and that is how I fall in like. I need to know we can communicate above a text, and email. How else would I know you have more to offer besides witty one liners? [also texting/emailing, etc annoys me b/c it takes hours to have a 10 min conversation].

[Catharsis Break] *sigh* Maybe its just the fact that I truly and honestly miss our (The Night Spender) conversations. Our late night debates, and the early morning texts (which is ok following conversation via a phonecall) of him proclaiming my beauty. I just want to scream "WHAT HAPPENED?!" When did it all stop?! When did you cooking me dinner, and playing that song from the Lion King (hahahaha) all end?! I didn't appreciate it then, but now if you were to do it all again, if only for one day I'd melt in your arms. I miss walking down the street and you taking my hand in yours. I miss it all, and maybe its all gone for a reason, and I need to just suck it up and let it go.

[Back to our regular scheduled program] All of this technology is making relationships non-existent, there is a loss of conversation. A loss of intimacy. Sexting is replacing foreplay (c'mon!), and Facebook relationship status' fluctuate like the stock market (RELATIONSHIP RECESSION?!). We wonder why men and women (black men and women especially) have a lapse in communication, its because we're too busy tweeting and texting while sitting right next to each other! Too busy sending snippets of communication rather than being engrossed in conversation...my thoughts on the subject anyway.

***so I'm posting it to get it out of my drafts...ENJOY***

Buying the Cow

2010-02-24T21:47:00.001-05:00

***DISCLAIMER: this is no where near finished or completed to my liking, it a stream of consciousness and rambling...but its been sitting in my drafts for about 2 weeks now, and seeing as there are about 5 other posts in draft mode, and no recent posts to the blog i needed to post SOMETHING so this is it...lol. I'll edit it one day, or you can leave a bunch of comments (preferred method) and we can engage in conversation***

Mr.-like new chick...she made me wait to get the booty...simple...but very important strategy...we'll only do what yall let us do to you
Moxie-i made The Night Spender wait to get the booty...3-4months..i think that's important..but at the same time...i think a man can do you wrong if he gets it the first night or 4 months later...
Mr. -and i'm here to tell you if we wait...we want YOU not sex
Moxie-i mean i get what you're saying...but just b/c a man waits does not mean he won't do the same ish...just means he likes and respects you enough, has the tolerance enough, or someone else to fulfill his carnal desires enough to wait
Mr.-it really doesn't but don't believe me...i'm just the only person wit a dick in the convo...not to mention i'm older
Moxie-lol, well your age definitely adds more experience and wisdom..but i mean your logic behind waiting, is that the same as a 25 yr old's logic?
Mr.-yes

Dating 101, make him wait! How long as women have we heard this? "If you want to know if a man REALLY likes you for you and not just sex, make him wait for sex." The three month rule (90 Day Rule) which has been ingrained in us is the dating mantra, a golden rule, for women. Whenever something goes wrong in a relationship its usually the first thing that pops into our heads. "Did we have sex too soon?", or its often the first question we are asked when we turn to our friends for advice "When did you guys start having sex?" For years we've assumed the demise of our past relationships, with what may have been great men, was due to giving up the goods too soon. Giving away the milk for free...maybe?

@justpinks: Why do women try to put a time clock on their vaginas? Just b/c he waits for it, doesn't mean he won't still treat u like a smut!

One day on twitter this tweet really struck me. For so long I've believed this Three Month Rule to be the golden standard, one of the simple things that makes a world of difference in relationships. Now, I'm not throwing out the baby with the bathwater here. I am not saying we should have sex with men upon meeting them, all I am saying is we cannot assume that having a man wait for sex is somehow going to guarantee a relationship or if it does lead to a relationship it does not automatically guarantee a good healthy one. There are so many other components that make up a relationship, sex, while it is a big and important part of any and every relationship it is not the lone determining factor. What I have noticed is many men who come to me spouting the virtues of the women who made them wait often have a few things in common. During this waiting period they:

Respected the woman more [pro]
Was actively having sex with another woman [con]

Its easy to give a woman the time and space she needs/demands sexually when you have someone else to fulfill those sexual urges. So my question then is, is this new attraction really genuine? I don't question that you respect her more because she has a set of morals that says 'don't have sex with every man that buys her a drink', but at the same time while you are falling for her and all she stands for who is she falling for? With girl #2 on the side at your beck and call its easy to go on date after date with a new prospect and not press the sex issue. All the while you would have us believe you are abstaining in an effort to explore aspects of our personality aside from the sexual. In all honesty, how many women would after three months of getting to know someone/dating, if they knew he was, during that time, having sex with someone else, would you in turn still sleep with him? I'm pretty sure the answer is a resounding no.

So while I do uphold the benefits of the 3 Month Rule, at the same time I encourage you not be naive. Ultimately every relationship changes once sex is added into the equation, be it for the better or worse. The dynamics will change, its just the nature of the beast. Sometimes it brings you closer as a couple, other times is pushes you further away, just be sure you guys discuss what it is you both want out of the relationship, if its even a relationship.

[milk has an expiration date, like c'mon there is only SO long you can keep it before it spoils...so if no one is buying the cow...hmmmm why not shell out some samples..lmbo, I'M KIDDING!!].

A Belle in Brooklyn

2010-02-16T10:01:00.002-05:00

My relationship go to blog...I read this daily like one reads the bible, brushes their teeth, showers!!!! This is my go to blog for ALL things relationship...and today there was a VERY good, provoking post...CHECK IT OUT!

CLICK HERE

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T22:26:00.002-05:00

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

Condom Conundrum

2010-02-10T03:00:00.004-05:00

I'm 24 and I can say I've never bought condoms *gasp*. That seems so sexually irresponsible of me, and I'm sure someone reading this (or not) is thinking "its 2010, what do you mean?" Now let me state for the record I practice safe sex...I've just never personally purchased the life jacket. I have gone with the significant other to purchase them, just never been the one doing the purchasing. Maybe this has a lot to do with when I was in middle school and a few friends and myself decided to try and buy condoms to see what they looked like up close and personal. And just our luck our teacher walks into the store and decides to have a chat. We quickly stuff the condoms in an oven mitt and never did buy them. Also, I was involved with someone who insisted on being the one who purchased the condoms. He did not trust it if he did not buy it. [I think he had an unhealthy fear of someone trying to 'trap' him or something...but anyway.] That also contributed to my condom conundrum.

Ever since then I've always associated buying condoms with something I'm not suppose to do. Not like its not my responsibility, just that I get this overwhelming anxiety like someone is looking at me and thinking "She isn't suppose to be having sex." And I guess it can be said if I cannot muster the strength and courage to buy condoms I probably should not be having sex (lol). However, I'm sure I am not the only one with this problem.

Also, along with the fear of purchasing condoms, there is the question. How many condoms is TOO many? I know it seems like a silly question, but at what point is it just too many condoms for a girl to have at her disposal. [Yes, it can be said with the state of STDs today there is no such thing as too much, but in this instance I am talking about perception.] At what point is it too much, and a girl is considered a slut. Like if he comes over and I open a drawer and let him choose from a plethora of brands/flavors/and textures..lol. I think then its too much. I've heard that a simple three pack is ideal for a woman, where she looks concerned enough with her health, but isn't giving off the perception that she has sex with so many men she needs her own condom facility. ***I need more men reading my blog so I can get male feedback on these IMPORTANT questions.***

In the end, my approach seems to be working for me, for now. I don't have to deal with the added cost of buying condoms (although I do have to foot the bill for the lingerie when deemed needed) and I can say without a doubt I've never had an STD and I am not someones mom. :D

P.S. But maybe I might psych myself up and waltz into a store sometime in the near future and tackle this fear.

P.P.S. I've been trying thing new thing with my posts, less picture more content (i.e. longer posts..well I'm really trying with extending the length)...what do you think?

Good Men

2010-02-03T16:30:00.001-05:00

"They were all good men, they just weren't good to me." ~moxie_b

I've been bombarded with the "there are no good men left" theory lately, its been on repeat for the past few weeks and a girl can't help but think about it. For a while I subscribed to this mantra. I was an angry woman who thought there was indeed 'NO GOOD MEN LEFT' (angry face), and every time I thought about it my future looked lonely and bleak. I have encountered 'bad' men [what exactly makes a man bad in comparison to 'good' anyway?] but when I think about it I've never been in a relationship with a 'bad' man. In fact all of my past relationships have been with what you'd describe as good men. Intelligent, goal-oriented, employed, good looking, great sense of humor etc. etc. the list goes on. Why else would I have been attracted to them, why else would I have been involved with them if they weren't indeed good men?! But, somewhere, somehow things went south, the relationship ended. They, however, did not cease to be good men.

I am the type to remain friends with an ex, and as I look at some of my past conquests (hahaha, ok that's a joke guys) I can see myself falling for them again (if only I was a repeat offender) as a matter of fact, I can see why any lucky girl could fall for them. They are great family men, young professionals, can hold a conversation in a room full of business execs, simply put...they are GOOD men. However, they just weren't good to me, it wasn't meant to be maybe, and in a case or two it ended badly. But can you really blame the end of a relationship on someone not being a good man? When I look back I can sigh in relief and say I'm happy things ended, sometimes it takes a bad ending for you to see the good in someone, and why that good was just not meant for you, but it reminds you that if I could get a great guy like that, even for a little while, I can probably get a better guy for even longer (hehehe).

All in all, they broke my heart, did or said things I hope today they regret (lol). I've shed my share of tears over failed loves like any other 20-something...but to say there are no more good men left would be doing myself a dis-service. It would mean resigning myself to the possibility of either settling in order to settle down or spending the rest of my life alone. I refuse to do either. I refuse to settle for some sub par mediocre relationship because I'm afraid to die alone, and I refuse to live life depressed because I'm single. So, Instead of focusing on the supposed lack of good men, I choose to focus on becoming a good woman. Good men and good women attract..no? I hope so, or else I might have to rethink this theory..lol.

talk amongst yourselves ;]

Apartment Woes Pt. 2

2010-01-25T16:45:00.015-05:00

Ever since I moved out on my own all the men in my life, past and present, are anxious to come over, spend the night, hang out. *pause* All of a sudden, I am "missed" and we "just haven't spent enough time together lately." *pause* Where is this coming from? I am surely not uber excited to hang out with you, and reminisce about 'old times.' [Sometimes I wish I never sent that ill fated text notifying everyone of my new phone number].

So, as a result I have become a very skilled liar, and avoider. I can conjure up ridiculous tales of why someone can't "just stop by", or "come over and chill". I have become so skilled at the art of avoidance that I find myself accidentally avoiding friends I actually WANT to see. Granted, I haven't been able to freely enjoy this independence of living on my own [for reasons too stressful & lengthy to disclose]. That in conjunction with the constant escape tactics I've been forced to develop, this is making my life tricky. The one benefit is my hectic work schedule. It has calmed down dramatically since September, but from July through September i was working on average 200+ hours a month, seven days a week. Then, it was relatively easy to avoid the menfolk. Now that I am down to the good ole 40 hours a week, with weekends available I have no basis not to see, or be seen. However, I still want to go into hiding.

I have become very skeptical of men who want to come over, "spend some time". This is my castle, my domain, my refuge! I don't want to defile it with some unworthy male specimen who is only after one thing. A romp in the sack [do they still us that phrase?]. Only one man has spent the night, and another came for a brief BORING visit...lol. The night spender.. *sigh* he's another blog for another time, so much has gone on between us...smh. The boring visit, I think I mentioned it in my 2010 post [go read it!]. I say all that to say this, I am not a fan of men in my personal space. Especially when they invite themselves. I feel that when I extend an invitation for you to come over it really means something. I have no problem trekking to your location, braving obstacles and the elements to snuggle up in your bed, in YOUR apartment, and at the end of it all I go home and unwind. Home is where the heart is, and after dealing with the constant battle with my heart at 'his' place I go home to de-stress and put the pieces back together. I want no memories of us snuggled up on the couch watching movies, no memories of me cooking [ok...ordering] dinner in the kitchen. NO! I don't want any of those things in MY apartment!

I want to save my apartment for a RELATIONSHIP, is that weird? That man who I can say without a doubt is my boyfriend/significant other/etc. I don't want to parade men through my apartment who I'm just dating/talking to/etc., no real reason for you to ever see beyond the 1689 on the front of the building. Men have a tendency to get comfortable in your space once you let them in, and in the event to not let anyone get too comfortable I don't invite them into this space. Especially those whom I have had past 'relations' with, no good comes from you stepping through those doors. I have no plans to relapse.

Graduate School

2010-01-21T21:20:00.002-05:00

I am in the process of applying to Graduate School. Well one school actually, COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY. Is it pretentious of me to apply to only ONE school? Well there is no other option for me, its Columbia or bust!!! So lets keep our fingers crossed shall we. Masters of Science in Fundraising Management.

I am working, or attempting to start my Statement of Purpose. This is going to be SO hard. I'm pretty good at writing these things, but it takes so much out of me. I literally have to focus all my attention on it, and put in ridiculous amounts of time. In the end, I usually emerge with a GREAT product. Its always that first paragraph thats the hardest.

Due to the IMPORTANCE of this I might be a tad m.i.a. from the blog for a bit, unless something extremely juicy happens..LOL.

2010 Begins

2010-01-17T20:18:00.004-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I've been absent, but SO much has been going on. I'll give you the run down. Lets start with Christmas....

Christmas:

Pretty normal, presents, food, and lots of sleep. The after Christmas I went to my friend's house, and that night was a old flame of mine's going away party (mind you he has not left yet...). He plays basketball, and he's going to play overseas in Brazil, I hope he wraps it up, they have diseases down there too...lol. Back to the story. So we go to Divas Lounge in Montclair, and first off it MUST have been old folks night, because there was A LOT of older people. I was not impressed. But we were already there so why not enjoy it. Grabbed a few drinks and got started on having a good night.

He, lets call him NBA Dude, finally arrives. We do the hug, kiss, glad you came thing. He goes to mingle, I grab another drink and kept it moving. Long story short, it was an alright party, the crowd was just a tad bit too old for my liking.

New Years Eve:

Club Abyss it is. Tickets $40, so it better be a great night. They refuse to play any current music before midnight o.O, so that initially killed my buzz. Fast forward, the group of girls I went with want to leave at 12:30 to go to another spot, so...ermmm, fine okay. Outside, I realize this other spot is the Mansion, I REFUSE to go to the Sigma Mansion, sorry not my kinda thing. So me and a friend dip and go to this dude's hotel party. He likes me, been trying to have my friend hook us up, so why not. Get there, its like a scene from a tacky 90s music video. We walk in the room, do and about face and walk out. moments later, girls run out screaming, they did a champagne shower on the skeezers left in the room. *WHY OH WHY*. I'm in the hallway, drunk, and hungry. Big, thuggish looking dude walks by. "Whats your name?" I ask, "Snacks"...drunkenly assuming if your name is snacks you should have some kind of candy...he does not, and also does not understand my screams of "FALSE ADVERTISEMENT...WHERE ARE THE SNACKS?!" After I carry on like this for a few minutes, we decide to leave and go to an infamous NJ diner. Thats how I entered 2010 o.O.

New Years Resolution:

No sex for the year! I break it within the first week. I call NBA Dude and ask him to come over. Its been 4 years of us going back and forth, he's been calling me nonstop since Christmas, and he's leaving, BINGO, great it works, no new notches on the belt, and he leaves. God punished me, it was the WORST sex of my life. I was literally counting cracks in the ceiling. I guess its not 100% his fault, I mean I didn't give the best performance either. So no more sex, and I mean it this time!

Social Experiment:

I join match.com. Three day trial why not?! I meet a sexy guy, he gives me his email, and emails me right away. His real name is attached to the email. The stalker in me Facebook him. Facebook profile picture. Him dancing w/ a woman in a wedding dress, same woman is in multiple pictures with him looking very much in love. I delete my account on day 2. Match.com is not for me.

Taj Lounge:

I love this place. Friend and I go. She was invited by a new guy she met, who is interested in her. I'm dragged along, no problem here. We get there, VIP shuffled to the front of the line, get in before birthday boy and his entourage..hahaha! He's there with his baby's mother. She is attached to his hip. My friend is mad about this, but is not letting this ruin her night. I say he's a loser, and dance. His entourage are a bunch of hoodlums. Grinding on the dance floor. One girl takes off her shorts/skirt....is picked up, laid on the floor, and grind upon. I am in shock! Taj Lounge will never be the same again. I am embarrassed for them. Move to the other side of the dance floor. Enjoy the rest of my night away from the hoodlums.

Thats how I began 2010. I'm not quite sure how that foreshadows the remaining of the year, at least it will be interesting. :]

Happy Holiday!!

2009-12-13T11:58:00.004-05:00

In honor of the holiday season I have changed my layout. I will also attempt to have happier, holiday friendly posts..lol.

Once Upon a Time...Happily Ever After

2009-12-11T11:51:00.006-05:00

I blame Disney! Its all Disney's fault, all the disillisuioned fantasies I have about love and romance was forced on my by the Disney Corp. They continue to perpetrate this fantasy to girls around the world year after year, and one day a little girl is going to grow up and come to the harsh realization that there is no Prince Charming coming to rescue her on his white horse and whisk her away to live happily ever after. That doesn't happen! (no comments from the 1 in a BILLION who do get whisked away...please and thank-you..lol.)

Disney romanticizes relationships and everything is all fluffy and blurry and blissfull. There is the handsome prince you fall helplessly in love with, and you only get the prince if you're pretty and in distress; there is no emotional connection whatsoever. But you get married and live happily ever after?! We buy into it, as is evident my the women who go in search every year for the ball gown wedding dresses, the men who propose to women in horse drawn carriages, and the girls who wish for it all.

All of the fairy tales neglect to portray the hardships of relationships, *pause* they don't even show relationships, they show the courtship, and straight from courtship is marriage. (hmmm maybe they are on to something...lol). Disney makes girls believe all you have to do is be pretty, helpless, and a handsome prince will find you. They forget to tell us that usually this handsome prince had found quite a few damsels and being in such 'high demand' decides to get a few more notches on his belt before he considers marriage. But he'll ride in and appear to whisk you away, and whisk he does, only to drop you off a few miles down the path to help another damsel onto his horse.

With Disney conforming to the times, now we have an African American princess *woot woot* (still perpetrating a fraud and happy endings..grrrr, but I mean c'mon, I can still be happy..lol.) I am waiting for the day when disney will have a fairy tale of a divorced single mom, and why can't she live happily ever after, or even a fairy tale of a single career-driven woman who also lives happily ever after. We need more realistic fairy tales. And maybe they don't need to live happily ever after, maybe they coninue to struggle everyday with their own issues but they live, with or without the prince.

Big Love (HBO series)

2009-12-10T12:06:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty sure you all are familiar with the HBO series Big Love. To make a long story short, its about a Morman man with three (3) wives. I've recently become addicted to this show. Over the course of my Thanksgiving weekend I've watched EVERY episode, that is 3 entire seasons.

It makes me wonder if I could ever be one of many wives. I know I can definitely not be one of many girlfriends, so that should automatically rule out being wife #3, you'd think. I'm 24, and I'm nowhere near finding love, even though I haplessly stumble into 'like' every few weeks or so. Love, however, evades me. And maybe its this recent bout with...God knows what it is or was, that has me even thinking about like and love and relationships. I feel like I've been in polygamous relationships, I KNOW I've been in polygamous relationships...jerks! They just weren't upfront about it. [LOL]

The same issues they seem to struggle with on Big Love I have struggled with. The fight for attention and affection, the feeling of not being #1. So why do they stay? Why did I stay with some of these men or even tolerate it as long as I did? If I knew the answer to that question I'd solve many of the world's problems. End wars probably. Aren't all wars fought over women anyway...lol, if not then it should be.

Did I mention how much it irks me when men expouse these theories on how humans aren't naturally monogymous, so we should just accept the fact that men cheat *severe side eye*. Uh, yea okay, you run with that theory, lets see how far it gets you buddy. I am attracted to intelligent men, the only down side with dating someone who is highly intelligent is that he fabricates pretty convincing reasons as to why he/men in general do the hurtful, insensitive, and down right stupid stuff they sometimes, and will most likely do. Hence my dilemna, dating someone that can effectively convince me to accept the stupid things men do, and me countering that argument, makes for good debate, but is sure to end badly.

A Letter To the Ladies

2009-11-25T10:43:00.001-05:00

A Letter To the Ladies

Posted using ShareThis

Riding in Cars with Boys, Part I

2009-11-14T22:58:00.007-05:00

I've been doing this forever. All I can seem to ask is: "Are we there yet?" Granted the driver has changed some, its the same ride; with a little back seat action here and there. I listen to my friends' dating stories and I'm always saying to them "Where do you find these guys", only to now look at myself and say "You sure know how to pick 'em." And boy do I! I have an affinity for the asshole/jerk. I can admit this, I have come to terms with this. But, I still find it surprising.

Now this one...he's SO confusing. Men always like to say we don't know what we want, but I find that to be the other way around. For me at least. I know exactly what I want, the problem is how to go about getting what I want.

I've been hesitant to REALLY talk about my relationships on this blog, but I'll take a risk, maybe I'll delete it later, who knows. I seem to have a revolving door of men in my life, those 2 that I recycle. I'm one who doesn't like to meet news guys for fear of encountering the same problems, just with a new face; and by sticking with my select few at least I know what to expect. Counterproductive, I KNOW! But, I did venture out this summer, but now the things that kept me from giving new guys a chance seems to be slowly but surely creeping up and biting me on the butt. I've known Mr. New Guy (yup that's his alias for now..lol) indirectly for over a year. Indirectly? Yes, don' ask. This summer we actually started talking, before this surge in communication I could NOT stand him. I thought he was a misogynistic jerk (hmmm, trust your instinct ladies).

Back on track, I have no idea where we are going, but I'm ready to get there, or at least get out this car and take a cab back home. For a long time I ignored his advances and didn't take any of it seriously. Even the numerous proposals (is that the right choice of words) to be his girlfriend. I mean I'm here and he's there (yea its one of those). So NO. But then I visit, after MUCH pleading, and at the end of it all I didn't think anything of the experience..until. But now, I'm all confused. It seems like the moment I start liking him is the exact same moment he starts reverting back into the guy I had loathed for SO long. Now what I had been avoiding for so long seems to have happened. I LIKE HIM, and that sucks! I did SO well with my guard up and shield in position, for so long.

While I have all these grand ideas and suggestions and advice I give my friends, I can't seem to conjure up a single thing for myself. I can't seem to posses any follow through in my own situations and I feel like I'm stuck in this car with no airbags and heading for a 3 car pile up on a major highway. I feel like I'm going to die (emotionally that is) because dating is really killing me softly. I don't want to go back to one of those 2 (my revolving door) but situations like this forces me back to my dysfunctional comfort zone and while I'm desperately trying not to give in, I don't know how much will power I have.

There's an App for That..

2009-11-08T18:19:00.010-05:00

Yes, I am the proud owner of an iPhone *let the music pour from the heavens*, and I love every minute of it. In this list of my favorite apps I am leaving out apps such as Facebook, and AOL Instant Messenger; its safe to say those applications are virtually everyone's favorite. I am choosing to include applications that others may not have knowledge of, I know I get excited over discovering new apps and its annoying to see lists of apps you already have.

Lets Begin! (In no particular order, FYI all screen shots were taken from google images searches.)

1. TwitBird Lite -- This is a FREE Twitter Application. Having tried Twitterific and Tweetdeck I can hands down say this is the BEST Twitter App for the iPhone. You have ALL the perks and I have not come across any drawbacks. *two thumbs up*

2. Awesome Note -- Its a paid app that stores notes. Why would you pay for a note application when the iPHone comes with one FREE of charge? Well I wanted something more astetically pleasing. Also You can create folders, color code those folders and choose cute backgrounds for your notes. Also you can password protect those color coded folders. *one thumb up...would've been two if it was...FREE*

3. Topple (1 & 2) --Everyone needs a really great yet simple game application. This is that application. Although it is a paid application it is also available for FREE (so you know i got the FREE ones..lol). Its a simple block stacking game, but the best part is the blocks make the cute faces and tell you if your stack might fall, etc. *two thumbs up*

4. NY Times -- Yes, I'm a geek and I love reading the New York Times. What better place than to read it from my iPhone. The news comes to me! Although nothing beats holding that paper in your hand, but us strap hangers on our commute, sometimes you need that extra hand. Oh, did I mention its FREE!!! *two thumbs up*

5. Mint.com -- This is a money management application (we ALL need one). And its.....FREE!!! You sign up for a free account on its website, put in your bank information (online log-ins...its VERY secure) and it automatically tracks your spending, and tallies your budgets, etc. It also give you suggestions on saving money and curbing spending, etc. This is must-have application for anyone who needs extra help sticking to your budget...i.e. ME. *two thumbs up*

6. CoffeeSpot Lite -- Working in New York City, and having to do events across the city my co-worker and I are always looking to grab some coffee before heading to an event, because usually its the end of the day and we need a pick-me-up. Why stand and look around or walk around aimlessly when you have a handy dandy application that can point you to the closest Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, etc. And its...FREE. *one thumb up...I mean its just coffee, SO not two thumbs worthy..lol).

7. Stick-Fu -- Another game for my young at heart iPhone users. Who doesn't like a FREE Kung-Fu fighting stick figure, I know I do. Need I say more? *two thumbs up*

8. HopStop -- I'm a Jersey Girl, so getting around NYC can be very confusing. Thanks to HopStop I never get lost. Its give a detailed description of how to get from point A to point B, and even offers alternate routes. Its also FREE. *two thumbs up*

9. FMC -- This one is for the ladies, so guys PLEASE skip over this one..lol. This application allows you to easily track your menstrual cycle. Nothing big and exciting here, but it allows you to note the length of your cycle, when you have intercourse (protected and unprotected...preferrably protected ladies!), and it tells you when you're most fertile (don't do the do on those days..or do the do VERY carefully...lol). All in all you get a lot of bang for your buck (pun fully intended). *two thumbs up*

10. Sheep Launcher Lite -- I'll end this on a whimsy note. Sheep Launcher Lite, yes the lite implies that its FREE. I mean you get to TOSS SHEEP!!!! *two thumbs up*

Thats my favorite TEN iPhone applications for now. I'm sure I will discover more and to a part 2 to this list. ENJOY!

I'm Through with White Girls (movie)

2009-10-25T17:47:00.006-04:00

A young African American man (about 30-ish) in LA decides to no longer date white/Caucasian women and to begin dating black/African American women. The movie's opening is of a series of white women independently reading a 'break-up' note the main character seems to leave behind to everyone of his love interests upon sneaking out. Thus ending the relationship. Upon his unsuccessful romps with women of the 'fairer' race he decides to try something 'different.'

Operation Brown Sugar

Operation Brown Sugar begins. At a bar with a friend (white, who pretends to be a hip-hop connoisseur to gain the attention of a girl also white) his attention is directed to an African American woman (who would later turn out to be his love interest) across the room. He responds saying "black girls don't date me, I can't compete with those Alpha male, Talented Tenth, football playing lawyer types." *PAUSE* Is that the explanation? Is this what men say to explain away their reasons for intentionally choosing not to date black women? To make a long story short. He ends up dating this African American woman and in the middle for a seemingly great relationship she writes her one of his infamous notes and leaves. Only to race back after realizing his mistake to find out she's already read the note and ending relationship. He realizes she's the one...blah blah blah, etc. etc. etc.....they get back together in the end.

What is the purpose of this post/movie? I'm sort of confused as to that myself. Being a single 20-something (24) African American woman I feel somehow this movie validates yet at the same time makes a mockery of us.

I prefer to date black men, although I have dated outside my race, and I am open to date men of different races, but I do prefer black men. And while I am OK with inter-racial dating and have no problem with it. I must admit there are times when I do see inter-racial couples (black men with women of other races) and I sort of cringe. I can't explain it, and maybe there is no explanation. I'm not racist by any means, and I welcome love no matter the color. I think its that a part of me wishes he (that good looking, business suit wearing, black man) was with me. Every time that happens my mind wanders to those stories and things I've heard about successful black men choosing not to date black women. And my heart sinks realizing that my chances of meeting a black man to share my life with might possibly be decreasing as my expectations for success in my partner increases.

Be Fruitful and Multiply!

2009-10-23T21:00:00.005-04:00

While doing my usual daily blog reads I stumbled upon an interesting topic that quickly grabbed my attention. From the blog A Belle in Brooklyn:

"What is going to become of African- Americans if all of the educated folks continue to be baby free?...

...The people in our community that need to produce the most are not and the people who need to stop producing, multiply like there is no tomorrow. What will happen to future generations?? We complain that there is a lack (in particular) of well mannnered, educated AA men. But if we are not getting married and having babies and in turn, raising well-mannered, educated AA men, who is to blame?"

Like a puppy my ears perked up and was at attention. Rather alarming at first, but it does bring to the forefront a very important question. Why are the educated, successful, upper crust African Americans not reproducing. Now, that's not to say that NO educated African Americans are having babies. But, in comparison the vast majority of successful African American women are single, childless; and if they do have children, its usually one, or two. I am guilty of this myself. I am educated, I classify myself as successful, yet I am still single, marriage no where in sight, and when that does happen (which it WILL..lol) I only plan on having one child...if any at all.

Are we to blame for the direction our community seems to be headed? Of course well ALL share in the responsibility. Now, don't get me wrong by no means am i saying go out and start having babies like rabbits. However, I cannot deny that the question did not open my eyes a bit. Ok, maybe now I'll have two children (lol); but seriously, WHY are we not reproducing? Why are we not 'training a child up in the way he should go." But in the same token must we give birth to the next generation in order to play an active role in their lives? So maybe we are not ready to have children of our own. That is understandable, I am definitely not ready to have a child. So, can we not in turn nurture the child of another, a child who may not have a parent at home who was afforded the opportunities we were?

Fill-In the Blank

2009-10-06T22:58:00.005-04:00

I had a very, interesting conversation with a friend on Sunday about titles when it comes to relationships. Of course he felt they weren't necessary, and of course I thought they were absolutely necessary.

Seriously, when you think about it, whether you acknowledge it or not you are involved in a relationship. The only question is what type of relationship? Only a daily basis we form relationships with everyone we come into contact with. And we define those relationships. So why not define the ones we engage in one a regular basis and on an even more intimate level. For example, we have working relationships with co-workers; friendships; associates; family; everyone in our lives fall into one of these categories and possibly more, all defining the type of relationship we have with them. So why not extend this to our sexual lives. Now, I'm not talking about a fling or one night stand; but those ongoing encounters that seem to extend for months on end with no sense of direct.....

FOOD FOR THOUGHT!

TOMS Shoes

2009-10-01T21:13:00.006-04:00

I haven't done a product post in a while, so this one is long overdue and MUCH deserved!

I've seen the commercials, but never really paid much attention. Last week however, while at CGI (Clinton Global Initative) my co-worker was telling me about how super comfortable these shoes were, etc. etc. And how they got free pairs of them last year at CGI. So, what are TOMS Shoes you ask? They have a "one for one" motto. Simply:

TOMS simple One for One commitment to give a pair of new shoes to children in need around the world with every pair sold is revolutionizing the way consumers shop; with TOMS, shopping equals giving. TOMS One for One business model transforms our customers into benefactors, which allows us to grow a truly sustainable business rather than depending on fundraising for support.

I just LOVE that! I will be ordering my pair of TOMS Shoes tonight. I'll have pictures and update when I have them in hand. PLEASE check out the website and see all the GREAT things they are doing, and if you can please order a pair or two or three yourself. :D

New Day

2009-09-30T09:39:00.008-04:00

"Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way I was before. Say hello, say hello to a new way."
*song currently playing on my profile, and will be playing for a while...lol.*

This is it, I've been on a roller coaster called relationships, love/like, dating for some time now, and it seems like I just unbuckled myself and walked off. Am I sad? YES! Of course, I would have loved to stay on that ride with him (minus the ups and downs, bumps and humps) but with him, I would've loved to ride that ride. But, things don't always work that way, and apparently some people have to "get their priorities together...things are about to be really hectic, etc." and can't even give a possible projection of anything. So, 8+ months down the drain?

I cried all the way home. Definitely was the little piggy who went "waa waa waa, allll the way home" last night. Took a shower and cried in the shower. I feel like I've been here too many times before. Deja vu. He's a sucky person, a sucky person to me right now. I can't pahtom how after 8+ months you still have to think about things, you're not sure of what, if anything you want from things. Its been more than ample time to digest and reflect. Everyone has busy schedules, I men I'm the Queen of busy schedules, the Queen of doing 10 million things at once. So are my priorities out of wack?! I focus on work now, I'm going to focus even MORE on work now. So the 200+ hours a month might increase. I'll focus on me now, I plan on going to Virginia Beach next weekend (if my boss lets me take Columbus Day off), I just need to get out of NJ, and get the hell away from NY too.

I don't want to date anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to be happy doing something else. Whatever else, just not the like/love/dating/relationship thing. I want to travel, I want to go somewhere FAR away, by myself, and just be. Not necessarily trying to run away from anyone or anything, I just think I need that freedom, and to be away from him, our mutual friends....I definitely need to stay far away from Facebook for a while. So you know what that means, lucky you I get to blog more often. :]

Mantra

2009-09-26T23:34:00.005-04:00

"There is always something to do. There are hungry people to clothe, sick people to make well. And while I don't expect you to save the world, I do think its not asking too much for you to love those with whom you sleep, share the happiness of those with whom you call friend. Engage those among you who are visionary and remove from your life those who offer you depression, despair and disrespect." -Nikki Giovanni

My new mantra...

Dear Summer,

2009-08-31T18:39:00.004-04:00

As summer comes to an end, and I reminisce about all that I did. The times I spent running in the sun, dipping my feet in the ocean, laughing with friends, the many trips and BBQs, and those warm summer nights that seemed to go on forever......then I wake up and realize that none of those things happened. Is it really summer if you do none of those things? Does it count if you worked all those months, and had no time to inject some fun and excitement into your life? What is summer without some carefree days, and long adventurous nights? I fear years from now I will have no stories to tell, no memories to laugh about with my friends, and no one so sit and talk about how we had our first date at the Carnival/Fair and ate Funnel Cake together (mmmmm).

What is life if you're not spending every moment making memories? What kind of mental scrapbook am I making for myself. Sure, I'll have some funny anecdotes from the days at the office, and random bizarre things that happened every now and again, but nothing compares to the type of memories and stories that come form being out there. Where? Nowhere in particular, just out there, where there are no walls, and desks to keep you in a snug little corner. I guess that ends my ode to a summer forgotten.

ShoeDazzle.com UPDATE

2009-08-28T00:01:00.007-04:00

FINALLY, here is the update. About a month or so ago I blogged about ShoeDazzle.com HERE. After signing up and dishing out $39, they arrived and I am pleasantly surprised. I must say the presentation is just gorgeous. And for your viewing pleasure:

I love them, tried them on, and they are fab, but I haven't had the opportunity to actually wear them out :(. But hopefully when I get a break from work *fingers crossed its still warm out* I can pull these babies out.

Therapy

2009-08-27T08:16:00.003-04:00

*breathe in..let it go..take deep breaths..calm down*

I woke up with an awful headache. Had one drink last night (LIT), a semi cry-fest/venting session. The stress from work coupled with the mounting discontent with my love life seems to have clashed...finally! It was inevitable. So in my regular fashion I'm cutting him out of my life and jumping into work even moreso than I am already.

*I need your therapy, I need you to come and lay hands on me*

-- iPost From My iPhone :]

Follow Me Single

2009-08-17T12:23:00.003-04:00

So maybe being single isn't so bad, I mean some of the best people were single..Ghandi, Jesus, Joan of Arc, Confucious, Mother Theresa. Shall I continue? I'm destined to be a rebel, whoever said success is nothing if you have no one to share it with never heard of these greats. In this day and age of the rapid rates of divorce and serial dating/relationships could the problem be we're sharing our success with too many people. Too much giving of ourselves that its value has diminished. So I'll write a new fairytale where the girl is in love with her career and falls head over heels for a fabulous Manhattan Loft. And what if she's destined to be single like those before her, she can only hope to have a fraction of their impact and wisdom, and maybe she'll acquire a follower or two out of it and a possible religion. :]

-- iPost From My iPhone :]

Faux-tographer

2009-08-04T23:07:00.012-04:00

Since I've gone back to working in NYC I spend most of my days, and nights on the NYC Subway. Its become my make-shift couch of sorts. The countless hours I spend as a strap hanger (hehehe) and avid Subway rider I've taken to snapping pictures. I am no photographer by anyone's standards, but this new hobby of mine does help pass the time and I trek to and fro. So here is some of what I've snapped...

Return of MOXIE ;]

2009-08-01T12:42:00.010-04:00

Hello everyone! *waves*

I've been absent, like SERIOUSLY!

WHERE HAVE I BEEN?

I started my new job, and its been great, opportunity wise that is. I work so many hours its mind boggling. Let me give you an example why don't I. From July 6th-31st I've worked 230.5 hours! That is insane! I have no time to eat, sleep, or think anymore; let alone blog. However, I will not abandon you all for an entire month again. I resolve that if I have to blog in sentences I'll do just that...LOL. I am ready for some time off, I'll even settle for a weekend where I don't have to go into the office. My standards are so low don't you see, hoping for a possible weekend off...lol. I know thats not how you make success stories, but do I really have to slave endlessly to become a success story. I think I'd much rather my path to success include sleep.

Life's been something of a roller coaster lately. I do love the job, right now I'm just too enthusiastic about it. Found out I get paid monthly, TWO weeks into the job. That is definitely something they should have mentioned when negotiating my salary, I think. So, no $ until the end of the month ---> FFwd to the end of the month, and STILL no $$, so frustration is the word of the day. This is definitely something I will never get accustomed to. So keep your fingers crossed for me that I don't go ape on everyone if I don't get paid soon; :-\ , oh but I'm serious!

WHAT ELSE IS NEW?

Well, other than work, and slaving my life away at WORK. NOTHING! Absolutely nothing is new with me...oh but I lied. :) I am the proud momma of an iPhone. I love her so much. I am addicted. The endless possibilities, numerous apps, and the sleek design all drew me in. Why didn't I convert sooner? And I also finally got those shoes from Shoedazzle.com that I blogged about HERE. Pics to come soon, and a follow-up blog! Hopefully I can do all of that this weekend. I wouldn't want to keep you all in suspense for too long. Lets just say I have nothing bad to day. So keep an eye out!

Love? Eh, not much to tell there. I am so disenchanted when it comes to love these days. I am coming to terms with the fact that I may just be one of those women who is married to her career and will never have that relationship she so desperately longs for. At this point in my life I can say with much conviction that I am not willing to give up or slow down my career aspirations for love...bleh! I know so many of you just scoffed at me, but I'm still young (24) and I think I have a lot of time. I wish I could have both right now, but that does not seem to be possible. Speaking of career...on Monday, August 3rd, 2009; I will be staffing my FIRST political fundraiser....ALL BY MYSELF! Like I said the job does provide GREAT opportunities, hence the sleepless nights. I am uber excited, and full of nervous anticipation.

...well I think I'll stop here for now, but I shall return, VERY soon. :]

4th of July-Coney Island

2009-07-04T20:02:00.016-04:00

Hello everyone, Happy 4th of July. Its still pretty early, ok 8 pm is considered early to me, but my day has been uber exciting. With the obvious holiday of the 4th of July being a given, another big thing that happened today was....I took my first solo trip--to the beach. Coney Island to be specific. And it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, granted I won't be making anymore solo trips to the beach anytime soon, but it was surprisingly relaxing.

The commute to Coney Island wasn't too bad, however, the train/subway ride was about an hour long (ugh), it could've been worse.

I was entertained on my way there as an argument broke out between two subway performance groups panhandling in the cars. The black singing quartet, and the Mexican mariachi band, it was something straight out of Michael Jackson's Thriller video...I swear I am not making this up..lol.

As I stepped off the train onto the Coney Island boardwalk I was instantly barraged by throngs of people, did I forget it was the 4th of July.

And not only was it such a major holiday, it was the Nathan's Hot Dog eating competition!

I did get there a tad bit late, but managed to get a of the stage after the hot dogs were all eaten. And you can only imagine the lines to get a hot dog after all that was done, I stood in line for about 30 sec before I left and got a shish kabob as a substitute. I managed to get some shots of the festivities after the event..lol.

Now the whole going to the beach by yourself thing is a grand idea, yes IDEA, and I'm sure it works for most, but I didn't too much like it. Its not so much fun when you can't go in the water b/c you have no one to keep and eye on your things, and if you do go in the water, you have to constantly keep and eye out. Also, you have no one to take cute pictures of you in your bathing suit having fun (a necessity for me). Also, there is no one to help get all the sand off you, and help lay the beach towel. Well the suggestion to bring a book was tried, and let me tell you its hard reading a book at noon on the beach. The bright sun is in your eye so you're constantly squinting, with one eye shut closed from the sand that blew into it, trying to decipher words and connect sentences. Also the wind blows sand onto the pages and also flips the pages so violently you're struggling to keep your thumb on your spot. Its just overall too much effort to read one paragraph that I gave up after about 5 minutes of trying to focus and used the book as a makeshift umbrella.

Other than those mini nuisances it was all in all a pretty good day.

Meet Me In 5 Years

2009-07-03T21:27:00.003-04:00

I've always had an idea of where I wanted to be in five years, and although I'm not where I thought I'd be five years ago, I definitely don't have the same plans I did 5 years ago. Sometimes you just need to write things down in order to motivate and keep your eyes on the prize. "Write the vision, and make it plain." So I'm putting pen to paper/fingers to keyboard, and laying it ALL out there. My hopes are to achieve everything I am setting out to achieve, and much much more. So here we go:

5 Years From Now:

*Have my own Political Consulting Firm

*Be on at least one "Rising 30 under 30" List

*Be married (sheesh that one is negotiable..lol)

*Have a house or FABULOUS and ridiculously expensive apartment in NYC

*Be financially table

*Consult for a MAJOR political candidate

Its All a Blur

2009-06-29T00:33:00.008-04:00

I've been absent for a while, and so much has happened since I last posted. I could simply justify disappearance on grieving the death of Michael Jackson *pause* (lol), but no, I've just been immensely busy, starting a new job next week, training my replacement for my current job, and just trying to have as much fun as I could before I'm consumed by WORK. So lets jump into whats happened lately....

The BET Awards hosted this year by Jamie Fox *pause*, was the most disgraceful display of coonery if there was ever one. But before we get ahead of ourselves. A host is usually assumed to be funny and overall entertaining, all of which Mr. Fox was not. He performed more than he hosted, and the entire show was filled with his self promotion. I am yet to laugh at one of this ill conceived jokes and downright lethargic sense of humor. This was no tribute to Michael Jackson but more of a ratings bonanza for BET. It fell short in so many ways. From the "Baby Boy" skit, which was in poor taste, to the Drake and Lil Wayne performance with little girls dancing on the stage to "I wish i could f**k every girl in the world" *pause*. To go into detail would only bring back the horrible memories of this night. Tribute it was lacking...but vulgarity, and ill preparation was in abundance. I will definitely not be tuning in next year.

NEXT....

"Frank M. Lombard, the Duke University researcher accused of offering his adopted 5-year-old son for sex." And the crowd says "WTF". Yes, aldeis and gentlemen there are still sick people roaming around, and not the usually creepy looking guys lurking in alleyways, but our University officials who we hold to a higher moral standard. But according to the article Mr. Lombard performed sexual acts on his adopted son and invited an undercover investigator online to do the same.

NEXT...

I don't know really, I guess not that much happened after all..lol :]

Jimmy Choo to design for H&M

2009-06-27T00:34:00.004-04:00

Jimmy Choo is collaborating with H&M to bring you an exquisite selection of shoes, clothing and handbags. Following other great designers such as Matthew Williamson, Jimmy Choo is set to rock H&M customers with "a sophisticated, fashion forward, accessible and glamorous collection - the perfect party pieces to buy now and then wear out that night!"

I am in LOVE! To the right are two pieces from the collection, which is slated to hit stores November 14th, 2009 (can we say COUNTDOWN!). The colection is also said to included men, so guys don't feel left out, they thought of you as well. Well ladies and gentlemen, I will be the first in line to stack up. Stay tuned for the frenzy, and keep your eye on that countdown, which will be posted.

Apartment Woes Pt. 1

2009-06-26T23:30:00.007-04:00

Well I recently moved out on my own. No more mommy doing my laundry, and cleaning up after me. I don't like that part of it at all. However, I do get to face new challenges, like taking out the trash, and washing dishes. Remembering to lock the door, and to check the mail. Keeping track of the bills and...well, you know all that grown-up stuff you never want to get used to doing.

With the good comes the bad, and the crazy neighbors. I do like my community, for the most part its GREAT. But this week things seemed to have gone haywire. From the loud bangings on the apartments next door, to angry cats fighting under my window. And tonight the teenaged boys hanging out back of the building spewing obscenities and making crude jokes, all which I heard because it seemed like they were screaming through my window. >:O Oh I wanted to call the police...but refrained. Only to have them pull their cars under my window blaring Michael Jackson's 'Scream"....so....I...SCREAMED.. :D, now I can sleep.

Michael Jackson Dies

2009-06-25T23:31:00.005-04:00

Today Michael Jackson died. Reports state he suffered cardiac arrest at his home, and was pronounced dead upon his arrival at UCLA Medical Center. Michael Jackson was and will always be a LEGEND. The memories his music created and was a part of growing up will forever be with me. From listening to Thriller and Bad with my father as a little girl. Watching his videos and copying the dance moves, I never did master the moonwalk. I am saddened to hear of his death.

I don't agree with much of what he's done in his personal life, and who am I to judge. But his talent surpasses whatever internal struggles he faced throughout his life. He was indeed a musical visionary, and multi-talented individual without a doubt. There will never be another performer like him. There will never be another musical genius like him. He is the single most famous human being, no corner of the world is there any doubt who Michael Jackson is. He has accomplished what others merely dream of. Its easy to look at the bizzare behavior and court trials, its easy to look and his ever changing physical features, but what about his great humanitiran efforts. Lest we forget all the good he's done.

I pray for his family, that they have peace during this difficult time. He will forever be missed.

Gadgets Galore

2009-06-25T01:16:00.003-04:00

So while perusing the T-Mobile website as I consider getting a new cell phone something catches my eye. Its the new T-Mobile My Touch 3G, with Google. From what I can gather from the website its the G1 but without the keypad. Coupled with 3G technology its a winner in my book. Although I don't have the luxury of getting an insider's scoop or getting access test out the phone I think its safe to say it'll be a hit. I'm already considering holding off on getting the G1 and waiting the few weeks to get this new gadget.

T-Mobile customers can begin to reserve their My Touch starting July 8th, 2009, with an expected shipping in August. And being the loyal T-Mobile customer I am that includes me :).

Fashion for a Cause

2009-06-24T10:27:00.008-04:00

"Fashion for a Cause is New Jersey’s ultimate shopping party to benefit battered women. 100 percent of the proceeds from the event will be donated to Jersey Battered Women’s Service, a full-service domestic violence and domestic abuse prevention agency."

WOW..what a great idea, shopping to end domestic violence. If you are in New Jersey or the surrounding area stop by and support this FABULOUS event.

Fashion for a Cause

June 24, 2009 5:00 p.m. - 9 p.m.

Park Avenue Club

185 Park Avenue

Florham Park, NJ

$35 per person includes hors d'oeuvres

and drinks.

Make a reservation on line

or call 973-267-7520 Ext. 409.

Bill Maher Takes on Obama

2009-06-24T08:33:00.005-04:00

I posted this video about a week or two ago on my Facebook, but that was before I started this blog, so I decided to re-post it here. And I have to agree with Bill Maher, I don't want a celebrity for a President. Check it out!

Ghandi Moment of the Week

2009-06-24T08:14:00.005-04:00

"A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble."

~Mohandas Ghandi

ShoeDazzle.com

2009-06-22T13:59:00.008-04:00

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Behold shoedazzle.com .

This new website which I came across this weekend is a godsend for shoe lovers across the globe. Founded by Kim Kardashian "ShoeDazzle's fashion experts choose the hottest shoes for you every month based on YOUR individual personality and tastes. The shoes we pick for you will express your individuality and sense of style. Distinctive, yet trend-right. (quoted from the website)" All for a nominal fee of $39 a pair per month *gasp*. You are presented with five pairs of shoes to choose from each month and voila...you choose one and its shipped to you, FREE. The shoe selections are presented to you based on your preference determined by a minor survey you take when you initially sign up.

If this isn't a fantastic idea I don't know what is. I'm going to SIGNUP, and I'll definitely be back with an expert review of the site and their services. Check it out and let me know what you all think...I know I'm loving it and I haven't even gotten a pair of shoes yet!

New Beginnings

2009-06-22T08:39:00.005-04:00

Here I am, bursting into the world of blogging. Do you think you're ready for all of this? LOL, ok enough of the melodrama already. Hello everyone, welcome to my world, and into my stream of consciousness, which is exactly what this blog will represent. From random ramblings to issue topics, this is the world of Moxie-B. Sit back, relax, and take it all in.

moxie_b

Gimmie Kiss

Slim Thug's Opinion on Black Women

We're Both Adults...

The One Night Stand...

Live @ 25

Moving on...IN?!

FVK NJTransit

Random Outburst...Drive By Style ;]

Nice Girls Finish Last

Single Ladies [and a bunch of other randomness]

Angry Black Woman Rant...&%@*$!?

Missed Calls

Buying the Cow

A Belle in Brooklyn

Happy Valentine's Day

Condom Conundrum

Good Men

Apartment Woes Pt. 2

Graduate School

2010 Begins

Happy Holiday!!

Once Upon a Time...Happily Ever After

Big Love (HBO series)

A Letter To the Ladies

Riding in Cars with Boys, Part I

There's an App for That..

I'm Through with White Girls (movie)

Be Fruitful and Multiply!

Fill-In the Blank

TOMS Shoes

New Day

Mantra

Dear Summer,

ShoeDazzle.com *UPDATE*

Therapy

Follow Me Single

Faux-tographer

Return of MOXIE ;]

4th of July-Coney Island

Meet Me In 5 Years

Its All a Blur

Jimmy Choo to design for H&M

Apartment Woes Pt. 1

Michael Jackson Dies

Gadgets Galore

Fashion for a Cause

Bill Maher Takes on Obama

Ghandi Moment of the Week

"A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble."

~Mohandas Ghandi

ShoeDazzle.com

New Beginnings

ShoeDazzle.com UPDATE